Angela's Rambles: Now Hiring

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Now Hiring

I am now accepting applications for a personal assistant.

Job duties include:

Watching my car to make sure snow/ice are scraped off within 10 minutes
Delivering hot chocolate to me at work whenever I want
Cleaning my house
Doing my laundry
Cooking me dinner
When roads are snowy/icy, driving me where I need to go in a snow plow
Doing all shopping for me
Altering all the cute clothes I want so that they will fit me
Carrying me to and from my car so I don't get snow on my cute shoes
Figuring out a way to print money legally so that I can pay my bills without using my own money
Cutting anything bad/sad from the paper before I read it, so I only read the good stuff.
Anything else I think of. Must be available at a moment's notice.

This is sounding a little Devil Wears Prada. And what's this about pay? You want to get paid? That's just crazy talk. You can't put a price on basically worshipping the ground I walk on!! Seriously, people.

So...any takers? Anyone? ANYONE?!

1 comment:

katina said...: Sounds like being a mom!! I would take you on as a client, but I already have two demanding clients as it is!! :0); January 6, 2010 at 5:04 PM

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The Quote Goat

If Life gave lemons that size, I'd chuck them back in Life's face, rather than making lemonade!
-Angela (said after seeing a picture of a ginormous lemon)

He needs a Binky.
-Emily (when baby George started crying at the hospital)

Ooh In-fin-dih-tee...and beyond!!!
-Noah Witte (spelled how he says it!)

HOP, TWO, FWEE, FOUR! HOP, TWO, FWEE, FOUR!
-Emily (copying the nurses in "South Pacific".)

Go go gadget Grandma!
-Brian

I'm pretty sure George's first words are either going to be "Get off me!" or "Leave me alone!"
-Angela

So, the Terrestrial Kingdom is going to be like an eternal single's ward?
-Angela (or Shauna, or Lori...or all 3)

Twinkle, twinkle little star. How I wonder what you are. Up above the world so high, like a fruit snack in the sky. Twinkle, twinkle little star. How I wonder what you had for breakfast.
-Emily

I've exceeded my quota of crazy today. Can I go home early?
-Angela (said to my boss)

I funny!
-Rebekah (age 21 months)

If that song is the "Oklahoma!" of The Taffetas, can I fall on my knife after it's over?
-Angela

Hey, I'm not the tent person in the family. I'm just the comic relief!
-Angela

You can only see Bugs Bunny so many times before you want to punch him in the face.
-Shauna (Why she's glad that Elitches is no longer Six Flags)

You know, I think the Six-Fingered Man from "The Princess Bride" would have been a really great pianist.
-Angela

Those who can't dance watch Dancing with the Stars and yell out "Oh, you can't do that in a Foxtrot!"
-Angela

Angela, you are singing too pretty.
-Britni Girard (Opening night note for Curtains)

My heart is full of unshed tears. I fear it will burst at any moment. It's going to be quite the spectacular mess when it blows.
-Angela

Welcome to driving on the interstate with Angela. I can guarantee that you will not die. However, I can't guarantee that you won't think you're going to die.
-Angela

I don't like my hot cocoa compromised in any way. Chocolate with chocolate, dipped in chocolate...with chocolate syrup.
-Angela

If they came out with an iLife, I would totally get one.
-Angela (re: the new Apple iPad)

Wow! That was the Fall of Adam right there!
-Angela (after watching a picture of Adam & Eve fall off the wall before a Sunday School lesson on the Fall of Adam.)

No, Desmond will be fine as long as he has his bullet-proof milk.
-Angela (on why Desmond won't die on LOST.)

I'm not lost! I know where I am, I just don't know where you are!
-Mikeal Macbeth

I saw The Drowsy Chaperone at the Lincoln Center, and Angela's vocals were superior.
-Tom Jones (re: my performance of "As We Stumble Along" in UIL's Broadway Showstoppers)

No, you have to clean up because I don't want to.
-Emily

If there is no chocolate in heaven, then it might as well be hell.
~Shauna

The lucky people in the world are those who can make a ton of money doing what they love. The rest of us do what we love for the love of it.
~Angela

Hey, you're the Pirates of Cous-aunts!
~Brian

It's not "IHOW"--International House of Waffles! You have to get pancakes!
~Angela

Is it wrong to say that I'm so sick of hearing "Don't Stop Believing" that I have now stopped believing?
~Angela

I want to be a criminal mastermind!
~Tyler (age 4)

I want a wet willy!
~Tyler (age 4)

I HAVE TO CLIMB THE MOUNTAIN!!
~Brayden (age 2 1/2)

*You'd be like me in Curtains
*Oh, okay. Wait...would I have to shave my head?
~CJ Kelly & Angela

I think the perfectness for a picture up close is inversely proportional to the IQ of the person
~Craig (Re: taking pictures with the wildlife in Yellowstone)

I just want to put her voice in a cage and feed it seeds.
~Anonymous (Overheard at an audition)

Don't eat me.
~Rebekah (age almost 3)

Everything that is outside that isn't made of people is nature.
~Emily (age 5 1/2)

You can only speak in a loud voice if you are quoting Star Wars.
~Josh Nelson

*Where do you go to church?
*A moose
~Amanda & Craig

Last one to the table gets the Greach!
~Brian

*But we had dessert. We had Tootsie Rolls!
*That's not dessert. That's just chocolate.
~Angela & Rebekah

I wish the phone would ring so you guys would stop thinking.
~Dave Clark (After Jon & Angela suggested a coin-operated pool table be put in the box office.)

Where is my doohickey?
~Craig

You know my wife is hot when she texts me "Where is my gun?"
~Neal

If I was eating lunch outside at a maximum security penitentiary, I would have felt less watched.
~Brian

And the pig shall lie down with the cow on my plate, and I shall cover them in barbeque sauce. And it will be GOOD!
~Angela

We probably would still lump him in with the "little kids", except now he's licensed to carry a gun.
~Angela

*I want hot chocolate, not hot chocolate-flavored water.
*Yeah, I don't want chocolate tea!
~Angela & Steph

But why is Thor in it?
~Angela (after seeing the trailer for "Snow White and Hunter".)

Why are you occupying Wal-Mart? Occupy Costco. They have free samples.
~Ian

Can you say "P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney"?
~Steph

*I might as well just put these directly into the couch.
*You might as well just put them directly into the vacuum cleaner.
~Angela & Robin (regarding the new Barbie shoes and sunglasses)

Since that was about your mother, that was the very definition of a Freudian Slip.
~Angela

You're dressed like a highlighter!
~Tyler (to Emily, who was wearing her day-glo green dance costume.)

I don't think Greek calories are worth that much right now.
~Craig Blackard

*Amanda, I don't want to be around when you birth your food baby.
*Neither do I.
~Steph & Amanda

No one would surrender to the Dread Captain Flower Pants!
~Brian

Angela Johnson is a joy to watch as Marian's mother with heart of gold (and an impressive Irish brogue.)
~Tom Jones (Review of "The Music Man" in The Coloradoan)

Angela's Rambles

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Now Hiring

1 comment:

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